50 Questions to Record for Your Children Before They Grow Up

What questions should you record for your children before they grow up? Below are 50, grouped by theme. Each one is a ready-made message: answer it once on MessageFuture, then schedule it to arrive when they’re 18, 21, on their wedding day, or whenever you think they’ll actually need to hear it.

Most parents mean to write these things down. Almost none do, not because they don’t care, but because “someday” never turns into a Tuesday afternoon with nothing else to do. A question list fixes the blank page problem. You don’t have to figure out what to say, you just have to answer what’s already being asked.

About Who You Were Before You Were Their Parent

1. What were you like at their exact age right now?
2. What did you want to be when you grew up, and when did that change?
3. What’s a mistake you made young that actually taught you something?
4. What did your own parents get right that you’re trying to repeat?
5. What did your own parents get wrong that you’re trying not to repeat?
6. What’s something about you that most people don’t know?
7. What’s a fear you had to work through that you never talk about?
8. What did you look like on your happiest ordinary day, not a big occasion, just a normal one?

About Them, Specifically

9. What’s the first thing I noticed about you when you were born?
10. What made me laugh about you this week?
11. What’s something you do that reminds me of myself?
12. What’s something you do that reminds me of the opposite of myself, in a good way?
13. What worried me about you at this age, and why I stopped worrying?
14. What’s a moment you probably don’t remember that I’ll never forget?
15. What do I think you’re going to be good at, before you even know it yourself?

Love and Relationships

16. How did I know your other parent was the right person?
17. What’s something about love nobody told me that I wish they had?
18. What does a good apology actually look like?
19. How do you know the difference between someone who’s right for you and someone who’s just familiar?
20. What’s a relationship that ended that taught me the most?
21. What do I hope your friendships look like at my age?
22. What’s the hardest but most important conversation I ever had with someone I loved?

Hard Truths and Practical Wisdom

23. What’s something that felt like the end of the world at the time and wasn’t?
24. What’s a decision I regret, and what I’d do differently?
25. What’s a decision I’m proud of that other people didn’t understand at the time?
26. What do you do when you fail at something publicly?
27. How do you know when to keep trying and when to walk away?
28. What’s something about money I wish I’d understood earlier?
29. What’s the most useful thing I ever learned from a job I hated?
30. How do you rebuild trust with someone after you’ve lost it?
31. What do you do on the days nothing is working and you don’t know why?

Who We Are as a Family

32. What’s a family story that keeps getting told, and is it even true?
33. What’s a tradition I want you to keep even after I’m not the one running it?
34. What’s something about our family’s history you should know that isn’t in any photo album?
35. Who in our family should you go to for different kinds of advice, and why?
36. What’s a recipe or a skill I want to make sure doesn’t disappear with me?
37. What did our family get right that other families I’ve known didn’t?

For the Hard Days

38. What do I want you to remember on the day you feel like you’ve let everyone down?
39. What would I say to you if you called me at 2am and I couldn’t pick up?
40. What do I want you to know on the day you become a parent yourself?
41. What do I want you to hear on a birthday I might not be there for?
42. What’s something you should never let anyone convince you to believe about yourself?
43. How do you keep going when you’re genuinely, deeply tired of trying?
44. What do I want you to know about grief, before you have to learn it the hard way?

Just for Fun

45. What’s the most ridiculous thing I believed as a kid?
46. What song makes me think of you, and why?
47. What’s the worst haircut I ever had, and do I regret it?
48. What’s a food I hated as a kid that I now genuinely love, or the opposite?
49. What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me in public?
50. If I could relive one completely ordinary day with you, which one would it be?

How to Actually Use This List

Don’t try to answer all 50 in one sitting, that’s how this becomes a chore instead of something that actually gets done. Pick one a week, or one a month. Record it in a couple of minutes, on video if you can, since your voice and expression carry things text can’t.

The part that makes this different from just writing the answers in a journal is what happens next: on MessageFuture, you schedule each answer to arrive on a date that fits it. The one about love and relationships might be set for their 21st birthday. The one for the hard days might have no date at all, held as a Timeless message that you release yourself when they actually need it, or that a Guardian you trust releases if you’re not able to.

A folder of answers sitting on your phone helps nobody until someone opens it. A scheduled message arrives on its own, exactly when it was meant to.

Common Questions

Do I have to answer them in order? No. Skip around based on what’s easy to answer that day. A hard-days question on a good week is harder to record than it needs to be.

What if I don’t know the right date for some of these? That’s what Timeless messages are for. Instead of picking a date, you release it yourself when the moment feels right, or a Guardian you trust releases it if you’re ever not able to.

Is video necessary, or does audio work too? Either works. Video carries more, tone, expression, the small things text loses, but a voice recording still does far more than a written note ever could.

What does this cost to start? The free plan includes 10 credits to try it. Paid plans start at $4.99 a month for more credits and longer scheduling.

You can start your first one at MessageFuture, it takes about five minutes.

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References

1. Fivush, R., Habermas, T., Waters, T.E.A., & Zaman, W. (2011). The making of autobiographical memory: Intersections of culture, narratives and identity. International Journal of Psychology, 46(5), 321–345.
2. Duke, M.P., Lazarus, A., & Fivush, R. (2008). Knowledge of family history as a clinically useful index of psychological well-being. Psychotherapy, 45(2), 268–272.